i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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