Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
