is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Randomize
