we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
