Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
