why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
