I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Well I just put wine in my tea
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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