Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
