i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
