I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
