WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
