Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
