Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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