How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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