Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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