I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
