the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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