ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
