can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
