Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
