I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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