I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
