it wasn't lemon gatorade
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
