i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
