he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
