whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
