Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
