Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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