Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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