There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
