I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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