i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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