Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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