I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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