well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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