I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I party with great urgency now.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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