one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
