How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
