You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
