Moan for me like Helen Keller
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
