I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
