hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
