Define "chronic" masturbator.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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