I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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