i need an iv and a liver transplant
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
