I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Randomize
