It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
