I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
