You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
