I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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