I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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