i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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