The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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