He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
