There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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