At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
